My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
