just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
