Your face is a jimmy john
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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