i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
