around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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