He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
