I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
