i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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