You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize