You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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