It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
