I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
