porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
