You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
