good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
