i just google imaged poop.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
