mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
