I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
