Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize