By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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