She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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