I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
