That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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