I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
