You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
