Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't turn off my feet"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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