just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
