I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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