You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
