You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
