Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
