hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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