Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's always time for handjobs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
