felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
