You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this beer tastes like vomit already
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
