i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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