So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize