so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
