If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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