Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
