my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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