I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
