Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
