Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
