I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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