She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mom said you looked used
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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