why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
