is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
