Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
