You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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