Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
