I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize