just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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