bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
