would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
