it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
