it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
