and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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