She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
