My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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