I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
