it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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