Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
