respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
