Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
