I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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