I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
