I showed him my bush... on skype.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
