he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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